


we're now a katy perry song

by kishere



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M, accidentally married, dan and phil never met au, dan works for louise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-05
Updated: 2019-10-05
Packaged: 2020-11-24 15:50:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20910191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kishere/pseuds/kishere
Summary: Dan Howell is pretty sure he's going to get fired for this; this being waking up nearly naked in his hotel bed with a pounding headache, a stranger, and no memory of last night after a day at a YouTube convention in Las Vegas.





	we're now a katy perry song

Dan woke up sleeping on his side, someone spooning against his back, breathing wetly against his neck. His head was pounding and he wanted to move but he wasn’t sure how well Louise would respond to that. The only issue with _ not _ moving was that he was naked (actually he was pretty sure he still had boxers on but he was scared to move (and potentially wake Louise up) to check) and Louise was married and so very very straight while Dan was so very very not. 

Plus, he’s pretty sure if he was attracted to women, while Louise is great, she wouldn’t be it for him; she was a little too maternal and he wasn’t sure if he could handle that in a female partner. Not the point, Dan thought as he laid there, wondering how he was going to get a job after Louise woke up and realized they had done something.The point was that he didn’t remember _ what _ had led to last night. He remembers being on the convention floor, filming Louise for a few vlogs, he remembers being dragged out for drinks, remembers Louise kept buying him shots. He remembers dancing (but even that is blurry), but he doesn’t remember anything after the third club on the “YouTube Club Crawl of Awesomeness”.

(_Did he name that? He's pretty sure he named it, shouting out the title, hanging off of someone's shoulders._)

The longer he laid in bed, immobilized by the arm wrapped around his waist, the more he was starting to realize that he couldn’t feel...well...tits against his arm. In fact, the person next to him felt pretty solid and not as soft as he remembered his last girlfriend being. Not as solid as his last hookup either but he wasn’t going to body shame here. He got laid after all at this YouTube convention Louise had dragged him to.

Dan finally opened his eyes and stared out across the space between the double beds and saw that Louise was laying on the bed across from him, blonde hair peeking out from under the duvet and felt his face burn. His first thought was thank god, they hadn’t done something monumentally stupid. His second thought was spent wondering if he hooked up with Louise _ in the room _. That was awkward, more than awkward and awkward was his branding. He was pretty sure he wouldn’t have a job after this, much less be able to look her in the eyes ever again. 

Dan brought his left hand up to his face and rubbed it against his dry eyes, which dislodged The Spooner’s arm slightly. Dan jerking as he felt a cool piece of metal touch his face probably dislodged him more.

“What the fuck,” Dan whispered to himself in horror as he stared at the ring sitting on his ring finger. Dan didn’t wear rings, they messed with his aesthetic which wasn’t nearly as cool as Harry Styles. It was ugly, was his first thought. It was fake gold, and had two misshapen lumps on top which, upon further inspection, were two dice. Typical, Dan thought hysterically, of gaudy Vegas. Dan figured that he had bought it on a drunken whim and maybe could make a return since it didn’t match his aesthetic at all. Dan tried to pull off the ring but it was a tad too small, nothing soap and water couldn’t do to get it off.

(_He has a moment of remembering someone else slipping it on his finger but he can't see the face in his mind of who it is, just remembers saying he does like it._)

Dan was going to get up and do that when he felt The Spooner stretch next to him, his arm tightening around Dan’s side in the process. Probably time to see who he had managed to drag back to the hotel room with him and Louise. Dan turned, the other occupant of the bed’s arm around his waist, to look at the other person and was met with eyes that used to haunt his dreams occasionally. They were blue and green with a hint of yellow in them and they were blinking sleepily at him.

“Hullo,” a sleepy Northern accent said quietly.

“‘Lo,” Dan said back, his mouth dry from both alcohol and the fact that Phil Lester was in his hotel room and had been spooning him. God, Dan thought, he looked even better up close. This was obviously a dream, Dan thought, his heart rate speeding up. Waking up next to Phil was a dream that he had been having since he was seventeen and had first discovered Phil’s YouTube channel. “I uh...have to use the bathroom.”

“Oh,” Phil said blinking and lifting his arm off so Dan could roll out. “Sorry about that.”

“You’re fine,” Dan said, turning and using the nightstand to help him stand up. He felt relief that he was wearing boxers, but the relief was short lived when getting up dislodged some papers from the nightstand. Dan stopped to pick up them up, not wanting to walk back in a few minutes and crumple them, freezing in the process at the first paper he picked up. 

A marriage certificate. 

His name was on a marriage certificate. So was Phil’s. 

God the ring made so much more sense now.

Sure, the signatures looked sloppy, but Dan was pretty sure it would pass in a court of law. Dan turned back to the bed and held out the paper to Phil (who was watching him, strange). Dan looked nervously at Phil's now exposed left hand and saw a ring on his ring finger as well now. 

“So I think we have a problem.”

**Author's Note:**

> I know that the vegas trip that is never discussed would have been easier but I haven't seen (and if there are some, send them my way) "waking up married in vegas fics" so I decided to write my own. I know it's not very long but -shrug emojis- I didn't want to spend the whole bingo writing 20k of this. Maybe i'll revisit it?
> 
> i'm too chatty in these things. come chat with me on [ tumblr ](http://filisaceaf.tumblr.com)
> 
> thank you to [ patchworklove](http://archieveofourown.org/users/patchworklove) for betaing. you're a gem.


End file.
